your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
