you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
