I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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