Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
