Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
