flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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