i just had sex bonerless
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
