I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
