Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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