If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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