never play flip cup with pint glasses
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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