and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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