The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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