Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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