After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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