i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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