You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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