Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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