The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
