woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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