my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
