i permit you to call me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
