Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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