Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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