someone threw a dead crab at me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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