woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
