if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
