how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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