Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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