I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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