I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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