The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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