Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
