My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
