watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
