coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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