I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
