Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
