I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
