is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
