"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
