Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
