If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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