he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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