in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just want to make out with him forever
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
