I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
