why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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