I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't deserve a penis
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
