I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
