so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
