her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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