I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
