im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
